8:21

Yep, that's what time it is. I want to be in bed sleeping until noon. I want to eat my Lofthouse cookies with milk and watch TV. I want to weigh 150 pounds. I don't want advice. I wonder what is so hard to understand what I am doing or why I carry on. It's 8:40. Been talking to Jan. Im'ing to Jan. A good way for me to begin my day. We are almost in the same boat. Enough of the same to make a difference when we share our stories. While I was dressing the patriarch of our family I thought, "You are him. You can't fail. You must go on at all costs." How many times have I thought he's such an idiot for being like that. He could make things so much better for himself. Is he happy like that or being the silent martyr is all he knows? I don't know. Dr. Phil says there is always a pay off for what behaviors we have. His is look at Don. He never took nothin' from nobody. He carried on even though he was handicapped. He'll have a special place in heaven. Mine is sort of the same. That special place in heaven. At the same time I am writing all this the song Dick VanDyke sings to Julie Andrews was in my head. Everday's a holiday with Mary. Everyday's a holiday with Don Keagle. You're darn tootin' it is. Speaking of holiday, wasn't Val Kilmer the best Doc Holiday in Tombstone? He was great and everytime it's on we watch it. It's now 9:20. Time to get my perfect little girl up. When I go in there she is going to smile at me. We will talk about going to respite and she will squeal. But first, we have to watch the Price Is Right with grandpa. Another squeal. I mention dad will be home soon. Another squeal. I wish she didn't weigh so much. I'd like to be able to hold her on my lap again. But she's a chub and I'm a tub. Chub + tub = no lap. Oh look who is here to say good morning to me. It's Billy the wonder dog. He makes me happy even though his breath smells like something died in there and is still in there. Wonderful baby livin' on love the sandman says maybe he'll take you above, up where the girls fly on ribbons and bows, where babys float by, just counting their toes. Wonderful baby I'll watch while you grow, if I knew the future you'd be first to know. But I don't know nothin' of what life's about, just as long as you live, you'll never find out. It is now 9:39.